I ate only one thing I've never tried, and it wasn't fish. Instead, I had a ground pork ball wrapped in some sort of jelly that I would have believed came from a hospital if someone told me so. It was sticky, clear, about a half centimeter thick and had lots of little air bubbles inside that popped when you bit into it. So not for me. Ewwww, texture.
I was confused a lot. Alot. Maybe the most confusing thing was the "bamboo raft", which was just a regular raft with bamboo on the sides for decoration. And we weren't manually paddling as I had imagined, rather, we were being pulled by another raft with an engine. It was a real And why are we doing this? moment. Still fun, but completely confused as to where the entertainment lie.
Didn't miss out on a thing. Boom. Roasted.
Unprepared for the swimming. Why did I bring a bathing suit? Idiot. Luckily, I was able to scrounge up a moderately suitable water outfit (shorts and t-shirt). I left them there, though. Bummer.
And to the performance. The meat of it all. I can't believe their obsession with karaoke slipped my mind. That was incredibly poor planning on my part. I should have come prepared with the perfect song, because no matter how much I didn't want to do it, they were absolutely going to make me.
After politely declining for over 3 hours, I finally caved and agreed to sing one song. And what did they suggest??
Cranberries - Zombie.
Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water.
Umm, not even when hell freezes over will I sing those songs karaoke. Are you crazy? And you know I suck right? Because, like, I really suck. Hard.
The only way I could imagine a successful karaoke session is Cameron Diaz, My Best Friend's Wedding -style. You people better clap your asses off and cheer me on like I'm the best thing since sliced bread. Otherwise, I will just die up there.
They were all coming up to me and telling me how excited they were for me to take my turn. They really wanted me to sing a song. They couldn't wait to hear what I picked. Blah blah blah blah I want to die blah.
I strongly dislike karaoke. Honestly, I just don't get it. Singers can really only fall into one of three categories:
1. Hard-core suckage. I mean, no one wants to hear that. It's awful. I didn't come out in public to cover my ears and shrivel down because I'm literally in pain after listening to you sing. I would say this is about 30% of people, and I most definitely fall into this category.
2. I'm amazing. Do you think I'll get a record deal tonight? Yeah, we hear you. We know you can sing. Chill out and stop showing off. I promise no one cares. I find this version of karaoke singer highly HIGHLY annoying. And it's about 65%. Just shut up already.
3. I'm decent enough, but I can't make a living this way. You are the only kind of karaoke I want to hear, but since you come in at about 5% of the karaoke singing population, you're just not enough for me to suffer through the other morons with the mic. I can't take it.
The only exception to my strong karaoke abhorrence was in Korea, where I grew to enjoy an evening spent at a noraebang (singing room), but it was just a couple Americans missing home and singing things like Hurts So Good, Ghostbusters, and Born in the USA. And there was always, always beer involved.
This was so not the same. I wanted to sing something they knew, but you saw their suggestions. So I decided to go for something upbeat. Saturday night it was John Denver Take Me Home. Bust. I don't know a single word outside of the chorus. I don't even know the beat. Ouch; but at least they sang with me, so I was only partially mortified, and I could live with myself.
Sunday was a whole different story. I naively thought my previous performance would put me in the clear for day two. Oohhhhhh, so wrong. They came at me with the same puppy dog eyes and the You're the farang. We would really love it if you sang a song for us. It's so much fun. What would you like to sing? speech. I had nowhere to hide.
I shuffled through my ipod for the perfect tune and came out with Build Me Up Buttercup. I figured even if they didn't know it, they would enjoy the music. What a horrific experience. They were eating, and it was dead quiet. Dead. This is a worst case scenario for me when it comes to singing in front of a group. About 20 seconds into the song my hands and arms started shaking, and I was blushing like crazy. Trying hard not to get myself too flustered to sing. Drunk AD that had been hitting on me shamelessly came up to help me out, and man was I thankful for his presence (the only time), and so did Pi Ow. They didn't know the words so they didn't offer much relief, being good only for the Ooooooh, Ooooooohs. But it was sweet of them to try.
I finished the song and used every ounce of strength to stop my shaking and keep from crying. I knew I wouldn't like it, but I really had no idea it was going to be such a scarring experience. I couldn't talk for nearly 10 minutes afterwards, as I was focusing solely on keeping my composure.
So, that settles that. If the situation were to present itself again, I am just going to have to disappoint the locals and not fall victim to their pleas of Sing, Monkey, Sing!
No comments:
Post a Comment