Eeewwwwwwwwww. Ewww.

EEEWWWWWWWWWW. Eww eww ewww eww ewww. 

Eww.

Something terrible just happened to me. I am at this very moment still writhing around trying to shake the memory from my body, experiencing phantom tickles, and TOTALLY FREAKED OUT!

I'm just gonna tell you now at no point did I think I was going to die, or even be seriously injured. That does not, however, change the severity of the situation in any way as far as I'm concerned. I don't know how I'll ever be able to sleep again with such a debilitating case of the heebie-jeebies. Eeeewwwww.

After hanging my clothes to dry on my balcony --problem free-- for four months, I wasn't prepared for any hiccups in the process. Today I pulled my jeans off the rack and onto my body thinking nothing of it. Like, why would I? Right away I'm off, walking to grab some food, and I get this weird feeling near the left-jean-pocket-meets-crotch area. Kinda tickles a bit, like the vibration of a phone when you're not expecting it. Obvious first thing I check: cell phone. No call. So, hmm, well, it was subtle, maybe just a shift in the leg, and who knows, maybe I'm a freak so I let it go.

Sit down to dinner, and I can't shake the idea that I can still feel something, but it definitely seems to have relocated to the right pant leg. Still, subtle, almost imperceptible. I must be crazy. 

[Sometimes my skin gets irritated by laundry detergent first wear after going through the wash. I assumed this was nothing more than an unusual case, and thus chocked it up to my likely insanity]

Get home, sit down in bed and put my hand on top of my jeans without considering the possible consequences of my actions. Oh, excuse me. And what's that, lurking underneath my hand???????????????

A bump. AND IT'S MOVING.

Oh my gosh to the gosh I had those pants off like lightening. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Shaking around and hollering in my room like nobody's business. Writhing about and such. Not wanting to look at the evil culprit, but forcing myself to do so because allowing it to run amuck was simply no option.

What was it???? No idea. All black. Looked like a mix between a giant stink bug and small beetle. Certainly not something I wanted crawling around in my pantaloons, especially so close to my special area (sry grandma, still love you, but for real this messed me up).

And then, after making this horrifying discovery, I couldn't just walk away from the situation (aka run screaming in the opposite direction, arms flailing about wildly), as I desperately wanted to do. No No. I had to deal with it! Keeping this creepy crawler from reeking havoc in my happy little life was priority status. It could not wander off into my apartment. Hell to the no! 

It moved like molasses (luckily for me) so I was able to release some of the hysteria before picking up my pants and taking them outside, where I managed to stand in broad daylight in nothing but my underwear for more than 2 minutes. Smooth. I did, after very careful searching, locate my new personal enemy and flick him into the wind and out of my life forever. Whew. It was almost more than I could handle. 

I really really needed to be able to yell for my dad, see him come running, eyes rolled so far in the back of his head they almost disappear, blatantly making fun of me and my aversion to bugs. But then, while mocking me shamelessly, remove the creature from my presence. Of course while saying something like You know, when you are living on your own, no ones gonna be there to come kill these bugs for you. How will you survive??? Maybe you should start practicing now. And then I would spit out a half choke/half laugh because we both know that ain't gonna happen. 

And I couldn't have it. I guess that's what I get for living in Thailand. So Dad, will you come to College Station and squash my crazy killer bugs before they eat me alive if I call? Yesss???? Oh, thanks so much! Love you too.

I guess I will survive on my own until then. Here is the closest thing I could find on google images to the bug in question, but he wasn't exactly like this guy either: