Fear of Flying

Recently, I have acquired a big one, and tomorrow I am supposed to get on a plane. Wahoo.

I have at least been able to narrow down the reasoning behind the fear, which is mostly caused by comfort (or lack there of). If I'm uncomfortable because my knees are squashes into my stomach and my hips are jutting into the side of my seat, I'm terrified. If the plane is really small and I can't stand fully erect (thank you Continental Express), I'm terrified. If I'm flying over a large body of water (say, the Pacific Ocean), I'm terrified.

I have compiled a list of acceptable and non-acceptable carriers so that you may fly comfortably in the future. You are very welcome. Tomorrow will be my first experience on Etihad, so we will see where that falls on the list.

First off, The Terribles:

1. Air China. Not to be confused with China Air, which was nice. I just realized they were two different airlines, and it totally explains my confusion. One of my worst flights ever. Absolutely no room to move, or breath. My knees were in my chest and I couldn't pull the tray table down without scraping it across my, ahem, teeny boobies. I could not have gotten out of my row if I wanted. I would have had to pee on myself. It sounds awful, I know. It was.

2. Asia Air. A budget airline if I've ever seen one. No frills, no mess. Just A to B. I put it in this category because it is soooo bare minimum, but I much prefer it to the others. It had leather seats, and they were moderately comfortable. So thanks for that, ultra-lowcost airline. Perfect for a 4 hour flight, but you might kill me on an 8.

3. All American Carriers. I'm totally serious. You all suck. Especially you, Continental. And Northwest (are you even a US company?). Either way, I hate you. You charge for everything,my little butt can hardly fit in your seat, and you don't care a thing about me in the world.

That brings me to another point. Did you know outside of the US, almost all airlines offer free drinks for the duration of the flight??? I'm not just talking about your sodas and energy drinks. Wine. Beer. Hard liquor. Wtf. Why don't we have that? Drinking while flying is not the answer for me as I would likely get sick, but I would very much like to have the complimentary option.

Let me say, I have never enjoyed flying, not even close; but now it takes everything in me to muster the courage just to get myself to the airport, which includes popping a Zanax. Before, at least I didn't know there was something better out there than Continental. Well believe me, there is.

So let's get to it. The I Died And Went to Heaven Airlines:

1. Asiana. The most amazing airline I have ever had the pleasure of flying. It was an amazing experience all the way from the cashmere blanket, complimentary sleeping mask and toothbrush/paste to the delicious steak dinner. Beginning to end I was in heaven. This is one of the six 5-star-rated airlines in the world, and it deserves every single compliment in the book. Man, is it good.

2. Japan Air. Brilliant. To be fair, I was upgraded to business class for reasons that are beyond me. Whatever. It was unbelievable. I've flown first class once in the states, and this was more agreeable in every way imaginable. My seat transitioned into a bed, one that was more comfortable than my bed at home at the time. It also provided me with the luxury of a full body massage if I chose. I had so much leg room, I could have sprawled out on the floor in front of my seat comfortably and taken a nap. That's how ridiculous it was. Heaven. 

The I Don't Hate You, But You're Not My Favorite Airlines:

1. Korean Air. They are definitely a step above Continental and when I have the option to choose, I will always go with them. They are lacking in some of the finer luxuries, but everyone can't be perfect. They do (which I love) not to wake you up if it's time for your meal, but stick a note on your seat notifying you it is available. They will serve it to you anytime thereafter. This may not seem like a lot, but for me, it most certainly is.

2. China Air. Nice. Comfortable enough, good enough food. No serious complaints, and free alcohol. Not to be confused with Air China, which I stupidly did and found myself on my worst flight to date. 

3. Qantas. You're pretty serious about getting into the Aussie theme with your beach-style shirts and that jazz. Alright. I loved you because an airport attendant put me as the single passenger in a row of 5. Thank you very much, random Qantas worker. You made my flight.

4. Delta. Domestically speaking. You're not great, but I can deal. Leather seats that aren't fit for a two year old child were a very nice touch. That's about all I can say as I don't recall being offered a meal. It's something, though.

5. Southwest. Alright alright. Dealing with the unassigned seats can be a pain, but for sure, they are charging the least amount of additional fees at this absurd time of $15 here, $40 there. Oh wait, you mean you actually need luggage? That's an additional $50. They don't do that (as much), and I appreciate it.